Christmas - Looking for the light

This year I was really weighed down with frustration surrounding how the media and our culture corrupt the sacred spirit of Christmas.  Friends, if you feel this way too, please read on. Hope found me this year. I want to share it with you.

The celebration of Jesus' birth is one of the most important holidays for us Christians. Unfortunately, it has also been tainted to reflect the epitome of our counter-christian, consumer culture - the ultimate defiance of what Christianity really stands for. The irony of this weighs heavy on my heart. It inevitably, always dampens my spirit around Christmas time. I struggle to fight and ignore the greed and gluttony that this season brings, and try with great effort to enjoy a peaceful christmas spirit, quality time with family and friends, and remembrance of the miracle of Jesus' birth and life.

But, as I sat listening to the pastor preach at the candlelight service on Christmas Eve, I was reminded not to look at the darkness - but to look at the light.

"As the first Christians came to see Jesus in the manger - the 3 wise-men, the shepherds, the angels - they did not come with heavy hearts to criticize the darkness that surrounded and consumed the world. They came to rejoice and behold the tiny but great light that had entered the world."

The light. A baby. A helpless newborn baby. A small, delicate seedling. A divine light sprouting. The smallest, most helpless form. Yet, this small light would grow, and bring unending light into the world. A light that would grow so strong that it would still shine bright over 2,000 years later. And is still growing.

Is there darkness in this world? Yes.
Is there terror and horror, greed and selfishness, injustice and sorrow? Yes, of course.
Is it overwhelming? Yes.

But, there is also light.

Sometimes, I am not sure which is more common in this world - the light or the darkness. Usually I feel that there is more darkness, because I focus on it. I see it, I criticize it, I despise it, and I try to fight it. But this only wears me down. It only distracts me from the good, and in doing so makes me spend less energy doing good, and fighting for good. Ultimately, subtracting from the energy going to the good in this world.

 There is also light. And light is more powerful than darkness. 

I realize that focusing on what I see wrong with the world, our culture, the people here does no good. It is painful though, to witness so many things deteriorating what could be a better world, destroying potential for goodness and love. I cannot forget that focusing on these things brings me closer not to light but to the darkness. Such thoughts take away from the light that does exist in me, and ultimately the world. It is all too easy to focus on the darkness and feel as if there is no hope- and that only leads me closer to falling, and being consumed by the greed, evil and hate in this world. One less hopeful, faithful soul to fight for good.

I chose instead to focus on the light, no matter how small. For everyone who turns from darkness and looks to light looks to God and glorifies His work. It is better to look for the light, shed light on the good, and to remind myself and others that there is still, some inch of hope, some ray of light. Then when darkness comes I can say that it is not all-powerful, for some good still exists- and if some exists it can grow. Just like that baby grew into a man - and into a divine God who to this day still pours His love out on me and so many others. If a light that small can grow as exponentially as it has, a light any size, can grow to be great. 

This is what Christmas taught me this year. I pray in the future that I rejoice and behold the light. Fight not against evil, but for good. Will you join me?

What a Christian really is

It's funny how you can 'think' you really know what something means for years, and then in one instant it can finally 'hit you' just what it really means. A realization.

I recently realized what it means that "Christ Saves". What it means to truly be a Christian.

I have always felt that it's not exactly about what Church you go to or what denomination you belong to. It's not exactly about whether or not you read the Bible or don't read the Bible. To some extent I have felt for a long time that it doesn't exactly have to do with whether or not you are a 'good' or 'bad' person either, because, the Bible and Christ say over and over that all it takes is belief in Christ, to truly be saved. We are all sinners- whether we are 'good' or 'bad' in this light then, is really irrelivant.

Going to Church and reading the Bible, calling yourself a Christian, doesn't make you a Christian. It's about something deeper, something more transformative.

Now I finally know that it's not, primarily, about any of these things.

I've heard so many times that it's about surrendering your will to Christ, and letting Him guide you. About submitting to Him.

And it is! I thought I got it, but now I think I get it in a whole new way!

A Christian, is led by Christ.

You see, when you truly accept Christ into your life as your savior, He is the one that saves you. You don't save yourself. Trying to be a good person, trying to please God of your own vilition - is all in vain. Christ does the work. When you truly, honestly and fully invite Him into your heart and life, He changes you from the inside out. You do none of the work. Trying to do it yourself just hinders Him further. When you honestly let Him lead you, He changes you into a loving, Christ-like person. You can't do it! Your job is to just let Him lead you. Your job is to LET GO and let Him lead.

A Christian, is led by Christ alone. 

I am not saying it isn't work to fight against everything inside of you that goes against what Christ is trying to do to change you. That's where it is work. Submission is work. The work isn't in trying to be Christ like, it's in letting go of your own desires. Letting go of self, so that Christ can truly lead you. It's letting go of the wheel, and letting Christ take it - without trying to still be a back-seat driver!

Once you do this, if you have truly let Christ drive you, you are automatically (but slowly) changed into a person that embodies Him. God changes your heart for you, if you allow Him to, and what follows is loving others unconditionally, being selfless, letting go of the desires of the world and being filled with Godly desires. A consequence of letting Christ into your life is that you become a good person, but being a good person doesn't mean that you have truly let Christ in your life. A consequence of letting Christ save you, is that His desires become your desires by default. Not by your own attempt to force them to be. You go to Church because Christ compells you to, not because you think you should. You read the Bible to learn more about how to surrender further to Christ, to know Him more intimately, because He compells you to, not out of obligation to the Church.

I am not saying that going to church and reading the bible out of obligation once in a while is a bad thing- indeed we are all going to find times when it seems like work.

What it comes down to is; is it you who is trying to lead your life and fill your desires with what you think God wants? Or are you letting Christ lead your life and letting Him fill your heart and desires with what He wants? Even if it goes against your own?

I have been very liberated by this thought. I realize I am no longer responsible for making the right or the wrong decision, instead I am responsible for letting Christ into my heart and letting Him lead. I know that if I truly do that, I won't be the one making the decisions. I will only be the one deciding to submit, so that the right decision is made.


Now, daily I remind myself to let go, to stop trying to control my life and my 'holiness' and to daily- surrender it to Christ. I will stop 'trying' to be a good Christian, and instead just be filled with you Christ, so that you can be through me Lord.


Lord, your will be done, not mine.

Amen.

The Ten Commandments - Lessons from Exodus

The Ten Commandments

Eventually the Moses calms down and stops releasing his rage on the Israelites. Then the Lord calls Moses back to the mountain to give him, once again, the ten commandments. These are the commandments, that if only we would abide by, would make the world a better, maybe even a perfect, place. 

1.   I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery; you shall have no other gods besides me.
2.  You shall not make for yourself an idol, whether in the form of anything that is in heaven above, or that is on the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I the Lord your God am a jealous God, punishing children if those who reject me, but showing steadfast love to the thousandth generation of those who love me and keep my commandments.
3. You shall not make wrongful use of the name of the Lord your God, for the Lord will not acquit anyone who misuses his name. 
4. Remember the sabbath day and keep it holy. Six days a week you shall labor and do all your work. But the seventh day is a sabbath to the Lord your God; you shall not do any work-you, your son or daughter, your male or female slave, your livestock, or the alien resident in your towns. For in six days the Lord made heaven and earth, the sea and all that is in them, but rested on the seventh day; therefore the Lord blessed the sabbath day and consecrated it.
5. Honor your father and your mother, so that your days may be long in the land that your Lord your God is giving you
6. You shall not kill
7. You shall not commit adultery
8. You shall not steal
9. You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor
10. You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife; or male or female slave, or ox, or donkey, or anything that belongs to you neighbor. 

It's obvious God wants us to only worship and love Him, to bring our trials to Him alone, and to treat Him and others, with dignity and respect.

Can you remember to abide by them, or will you too (like me, and the Israelites), forget?

 Oh yes, the rest of the book is filled with ways that the Israelites can make sacrifices to give thanks to God. It's very detailed. Almost all of the traditions are ones we Christians have deviated away from, but I am guessing that later God teaches us new ways to honor Him. I know he denounces animal sacrifices. We will see about the rest.

Until then- give thanks through prayer and faith. Go up to your neck, be brave, God will always provide exactly what you need, when you need it.

Reminders why God shows His power - Lessons from Exodus

Reminders- Why God shows His power

Shortly after God calls Moses to the top of a mountain, where he spends 40 days and 40 nights and is given the ten commandments. But, while he is gone, the Israelites grow impatient, lose faith, create idols and begin worshipping them. When God finds out about this He grows so angry He wants to kill them all, but Moses pleads with him and God agrees not to. God shows mercy.

 Moses descends the mountains, sees the idol the Israelites are worshiping and is filled with rage. Moses throws the stones with the commandments God had given him and breaks them, and then releases his own rage on the Israelites. A lot of Israelites are killed, but many still survive. Although I am disturbed by the massacre, it is here that I finally begin to understand why God was so adamant about showing His power in these days. The Israelites were full of doubt, and eager to follow whichever 'god' they believed would provide for them. Unlike Moses, their faith wasn't in God alone, but in whatever any god could DO for them, and if they weren't getting what they wanted, they were quick to serve whomever or whatever they thought would get them what they searched for. What shallow faith.

And after all God had done from them! After all of the plagues, after the separation of the waters, after being provided abundant food and water (food literally rains from the sky in this book); all it took was 40 days of Moses' absence, for them to turn on God and worship an idol. Really? If the acts that God had done hadn't convinced them yet, what would? What could? God shows very human emotion here- so much frustration with the people who He has done so much for. What unfaithfulness! What doubt! Understandably, He is quite angry. Had they forgotten what God had done for them? Had they forgotten His power? Quite possibly - yes. Surprising? Maybe not. 

Don't we all do this? Aren't these the trials and tribulations we all fight?

Just like me, as long as God is providing I am content and happy and worship God easily. But, as soon as I feel He is no longer there, I begin doubting. I get angry, I turn to alternatives. Don't we all do this? Haven't we learned by now that God is greater than us, and can do anything? That He was here before we were ever born, and that He will continue to be here after we are gone? That He created us and everything we know and beyond? He is greater than I, and will never leave me. It is only ME that leaves Him.

But in a way, this is our condition - not just today but a condition of the Israelites as well.  A side-effect of the fall- we no longer completely and utterly trust in God- now we have knowledge, and we try to be gods ourselves.  But this is our fight, our fight of faith. NOT to give in to the temptation of denying that God will provide- this is the hallmark of superficial faith. Not to be steadfast in love and belief in God only while things are going well, like the Israelites- but to hang on through the trials and tribulations - like Moses. My prayer is to be more like Moses- steadfast in faith. Knowing that if God put me here to do something, He WILL provide everything I need exactly when I need it. There is no need to doubt or be scared. And if I feel He is not near, to pray harder, to hang on longer, to keep going up to my neck, so He can perform a miracle. 

Forgetfulness and Doubting - Lessons from Exodus

Shallow Faith

Forgetfulness and Doubting

And so God clears the path. He steps in and separates the waters of the sea so that the Israelites can pass safely, and closes in on the Egyptians who are close behind them. 

For me, if I was alive at this time and with the Israelites, had I not yet been a believer, I would love to think that after seeing this I would never ever doubt God again. Think about it. Would a huge miracle like this make you believe in God and His awesome power, had you been there to see it? Would you have ever been shaken again, had you walked along the bottom of a dry, ocean floor, with the waters held up like walls around you, only to close right after you finish walking across? 

I think I would. But, then again, the Israelites didn't. 

Soon after, the Israelites seemingly forget what God has done. They get hungry- and thirsty- and grumble and doubt God. They blame Moses instead of asking God to provide for them. When Moses prays to God, God tells him that all that the Israelites have to do is ask. God communicates here that he wants the Israelites to pray to HIM, not simply grumble among themselves and be angry at Moses, but to bring their troubles to the Lord their God, so that He may bless them and provide for them.

REMEMBER THIS. God does not want you to worry! He wants to provide for you, but you must bring your needs to Him and have Faith! You see, after Moses comes to the Lord and presents the wishes of the Israelites, He blesses them with food, and later with water. 

 The Israelites become satisfied, and stop grumbling. 

And so do I. 

Moses shows what faith looks like - Lessons from Exodus

God separates the waters of Red Sea

Moses shows what Faith looks like

This is the part that everyone seems to know:

The Egyptians are right on the tail of the Israelites. The Israelites are  afraid and doubting that God will deliver them, thinking the Egyptians are going to capture them again. But God tells Moses to bring his staff into the sea, and to command the sea to part. And so Moses does. 

The Bible doesn't say this, but some Jewish oral traditions say that Moses didn't just walk up to the sea and tell it to separate. He walked all the way into the sea- until the water was up to his neck- before the waters separated. 

Wow, that's faith. Here you are, leading all of the Israelites out of slavery, with your enemy close behind, and you're cornered at the sea. Everyone is doubting you and God, and now you don't know what to do. But God gives you a commandment, a radical commandment; to part the waters of the sea. Yeah RIGHT! But, you believe God and you continue in faith. Okay, you say, 'God you said You would do this, so I will follow you'. 

How far do you think you would go in, had God put you in Moses' situation? Up to the edge of the water? Dip your toes in? Knees? With thousands, maybe millions of people looking at you like - 'you're going to get us out of this how?' 

Moses walks all the way up to his neck, and then, only THEN, only when he has gone as far as he possibly, humanly, can go on his own, only when his limits are maxd out, does God finally, FINALLY step in and separate the waters. 

To me, this is what faith is. Ever heard the "God helps those who help themselves"? This is what it means to me. That God has promises and hopes for you. He will work tremendous miracles in your life- but you can't just sit back and pray that He will do them, you must also act out of faith. You have to take the step, the ten steps- the leaps- and do as much as humanly possible, and then, only then, will God step in and do what you could not do. 

Remember this in times when you feel you are following God but He is not there- know that if you are at your limit, at your end, up to your neck and can't go any further without drowning- that God is close, He is near, stay strong in faith and He will step in just when you are about to go under - and he will part the waters - and your path will be clear.

God loves to show His power - Lessons from Exodus

God shows His power

This is the book where Moses leads the Israelites out of Egypt. And God loves to show his power in this book, something I found difficult to accept and read. It didn't exactly fit into my understanding of God- in Exodus, God repeatedly says that He will perform a miracle/send a plague, so that Pharaoh will let the Israelites go to the land He promised to give them - but that He will harden Pharaoh's heart so that even though the miracle happens, Pharaoh will not let the people go. All so that God can show His power and glory. I kept thinking - how egotistical! And, well, He does exactly that-

He turns the waters of the Nile into blood, He sends plagues of frogs,  gnats, flies. He diseases livestock, sends a plague of boils, sends storms of thunder and hail, locusts, darkness, and lastly, curses the first born of every Egyptian to die. Each time He sends a plague, He lifts it as soon as Pharaoh says he will let the people go- but then God hardens Pharaohs heart, so that he takes back his word and keeps the Israelites in slavery. All the while putting the Egyptians and Israelites through horrible plagues. Just so He can show His power? Goodness, this really frustrated me. This is not the God of mercy and love that I feel I know so well. But later, I came to appreciate this slightly more. All the while being very grateful that I was not an Israelite or an Egyptian at this time. 

Finally, after the last plague- the death of all of the first born sons of all of the Egyptian families- Pharaoh finally lets the Israelites go- he SHOO's them out actually. But, shortly after they are on their way, God hardens his heart AGAIN, and has Pharaoh send out his army to chase the Israelites to bring them back. Honestly, haven't you shown enough power already God? Doesn't this seem unfair? Unjust?

It makes a little more sense to me later. 

Until then,

Sophia